


Heroes and Villains

by lindsayc



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29439732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsayc/pseuds/lindsayc
Summary: This isn't actually about the Megamind characters but it was inspired by Megamind so I like to imagine maybe it takes place in some other city in the same universe.Sort of a parody taken seriously. The villain isn't really very evil and the heroes are a bit useless.Based on the prompt: Children are vanishing, one household at a time, and no one seems to have noticed. No one but the local villain, who is losing their mind trying to convince the heroes something is wrong.
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Writing Prompt: Children are vanishing, one household at a time, and no one seems to have noticed. No one but the local villain, who is losing their mind trying to convince the heroes something is wrong.**

“Will you all shut up and listen? I brought you here for a reason!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You brought us here so you could gloat and tell us your secret plan to take over the city and then kill us in some slow and painful way. Blah blah evil genius etc...” Hero Man rolled his eyes and wriggled in his chair, trying to loosen the rope around his wrists. “Can you just give us the summary? I really don’t have time for this today.”

Mister Super threw him a scandalised look.

“You can’t _say_ things like that!” he hissed. “What if someone’s listening? What if there are secret cameras?” He flicked his head so that his silky hair flopped artfully across his face and announced in a much louder voice “We will defeat you, Mistress Malicious! You won’t get away with this!”

“Nope. Not doing this.” Hero Man scowled. “I’ve got an appoinment in an hour and I’ve rescheduled three times already. And if I’m late to pick up the kids from school again then I’m going to get another lecture from that terrifying headteacher. This is the _worst_ day you could have picked.”

“We’re heroes!” Mister Super exclaimed. “We dedicate our lives to the pursuit of truth and justice. Day or night we will be there-”

“Oh shut up.”

They descended into bickering. Between them sat a third superhero, a young woman who went by the name of Lady Justice. She sighed. Unnoticed by everyone else in the room, a small knife appeared from her sleeve and she began to saw at the rope binding her wrists.

“SILENCE!”

Mistress Malicious’ shout cut through the room. Her voice would have struck terror into the heart of the bravest warrior. The three heroes, however, were were merely startled.

“There’s no evil plan!” she said, exasperated, “Can’t you tell this isn’t normal? I’m not even dressed up!”

“You’re not?” Hero Man looked at her skin tight black catsuit, laced black gloves and long, flowing cloak and raised an eyebrow.

“Of course not. This isn’t even one of my good cloaks. Nothing I’m wearing is sparkly, there’s no theme...that’s not the point!”

“So there are no cameras?” Mister Super sagged in his chair.

Hero Man looked thoughtful. “I suppose you don’t normally kidnap us at this time on a weekday,” he said.

“Exactly!” Mistress Malicious said, “I _know_ you have to pick up your kids. And I know Lady J has college classes on a Wednesday. And I have never planned anything that would interfere with Mister Super’s hair appointments. There are _rules_ to these things; it’s just basic politeness. And I never _ever_ mess with kids.”

“What do kids have to do with anything?”

“Honestly!” Mistress Malicious threw her hands in the air dramatically and strode across the room, her cloak billowing behind her. She reached a table piled with newspapers. “Don’t you three ever read the news? How do you find out when the city needs your help?”

Hero Man looked embarrassed. “Ummm...normally I just wait for an explosion or a ransom video on the TV or the sky writing. You’re not exactly subtle.”

Mistress Malicious threw a newspaper at his head.

“Sarah Walker, five years old,” she said. “Disappeared a week ago while playing at the park. One minute she was going down the slide, then her grandma looked away for a second and when she looked back the girl was gone. No one saw anything suspicious.”

She threw another newspaper.

“Sai and Charanya Kumar, eleven and nine, brother and sister. Went out to walk the family dog and the dog came back alone.”

She threw a third newspaper. Hero Man ducked to avoid it.

“The Morelli siblings. All four disappeared from their beds in the middle of the night. No sign of a struggle.”

“All right, all right, I get it!” Hero Man said. “So there are children disappearing. Couldn’t you just have _told_ us instead of kidnapping us?”

“I tried! You ignored all my messages!”

“In our defence,” Mister Super said, “Your messages are normally a trap.”

Lady Justice stood up. The ropes that had bound her fell to the floor.

“Well,” she said, “What are we waiting for? Let’s go get those kids.”

“When you say we...” Mistress Malicious began. 

“Yes, you too.” Lady Justice said firmly. “You don’t think these idiots are going to be much use, do you?” She gestured to her fellow superheroes, who were struggling vainly to untie their own bonds.

Mistress Malicious smiled. Not an evil grin. Just a nice, normal smile.

“Alright, then,” she said, “Let’s go get those kids.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Dialogue prompt: “I’ve only led you astray, like, twice. That’s not even bad!”**

“I’ve only led you astray, like, twice. That’s not even bad!”

“Zero times, Mal! When you’re on a team with someone, the appropriate number of times to mislead them is zero!”

“We’re not really on a team, though, are we?”

“What do you call this?” Lady Justice hissed, gesturing wildly around her. Well, she tried to gesture wildly, but was prevented from fully doing so by the lack of space.

Mistress Malicious and Lady Justice were crammed side by side in an air vent. Their faces were illumiated by a small electric lantern which emitted an eerie green glow. Lady Justice was regretting allowing her temporary teammate to provide the lighting; this was not making her feel any less anxious.

She was surprised, actually, by how anxious she was. It wasn’t like this kind of thing was new to her, but it had been several years since she had last gone up against an unknown villain. Mistress Malicious was very clever, and she could be pretty terrifying when she put her mind to it, but she was also predictable. And she had limits. If they screwed up this mission then children could die. The stakes had never been quite that high before.

And then there was the fact that she was currently pressed very close against her former nemesis. Or current but on a break nemesis? She wasn’t sure what you were supposed to call it when you teamed up with your enemy to take down a different, bigger enemy. Whatever the label, the point was that this woman had once tried to feed her to a pit of crocodiles, and how here they were practically entwined in each other’s arms. Mistress Malicious had abandoned her cape after it got caught for the third time, so now all she was wearing was her skin-tight catsuit, and Lady Justice was painfully, gloriously aware of every curve of her enemy’s body.

She gulped. Focus on the mission.

“I call this a convenient alliance,” Mistress Malicious whispered, “I don’t want competition in my own city, and certainly not competition who can’t even abide by the basic rules of chivalry. You three are going to help me take him down, and then we will go back to business as usual.”

“So you’re not doing this for any kind of heroic, noble reason then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Heroes are idiots with no fashion sense and very little flair. No offence.”

“None taken. But do you think it might be possible to avoid leading us astray at least for the duration of this mission? After all, we are trying to achieve the same thing.”

Mistress Malicious pondered for a moment.

“I’ll do my best,” she said, “No promises, though. It was just too funny tricking Mister Super into walking through that shrink ray; I couldn’t help myself.”

Lady Justice smiled in spite of herself.

“That _was_ pretty funny,” she admitted, “He was so angry but he was so tiny and squeaky it was impossible to take him seriously.”

“And then he managed to climb through that little gap and unlock the door for us,” Mistress Malicious pointed out, “So it doesn’t even really count as leading you astray.”

“What about when you gave Hero Man the wrong directions and he walked right into that snake pit? That didn’t help the mission.”

“He’s immune to all venom! He was fine.”

In the corridor beneath them came the sound of footsteps, so they both fell silent.

When they were sure the danger had passed, Lady Justice whispered, “Shouldn’t we have had the signal from the other two by now? I hope nothing’s gone wrong.”

Mistress Malicious rolled her eyes. “Well of course something’s gone wrong. We left those two idiots unsupervised. Let’s just go for it anyway.”

“But how will we get through if they haven’t caused a distraction?”

“We’ll think of something.” Mistress Malicious began to crawl forwards, pushing the lantern in front of her to light the way. Then she paused, turned to look over her shoulder at Lady Justice and smirked. “What are you waiting for? Do you really think I would ever lead you astray?”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this then check out my tumblr: only-genius-wit-and-taste


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